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Desert Storm 4WD sand dune adventure & sandboarding at Lancelin, near Perth, Western Australia

The Desert Storm 4WD sand dune adventure at Lancelin near Perth in Western Australia is one of Australia’s most exciting adrenalin activities. David Whitley joins the ‘world’s biggest 4WD coach’ and tries his hand at sandboarding for good measure.

Driving the biggest vehicle you’ve ever seen

The laugh is one part reassuring father figure, one part suicidal maniac and one part Scooby Doo villain. And maybe one part nervous schoolboy, plucking up the courage to ask a girl out after a litany of failed attempts at subtle hints. Coming from any driver, this would be somewhat disconcerting. However, coming from the driver of the biggest vehicle you’ve ever seen, just before you plunge down a huge sand bank, it’s plain terrifying.

Lancelin’s Saharan sand dunes

The drop looks fearsomely steep, which is par for the course round these parts. Just under 130km north of Perth, this stretch of almost stereotypically Saharan dunes sandwiches the fishing town of Lancelin to the Indian Ocean. With no rocks or vegetation to get in the way, it’s a big boy’s playground. Through the windows we can see the tyre tracks of the quad bikers who flit up and down the dunes without a care in the world. The more ambitious take to the air before a powder puff landing, but it’s quite difficult to admire with all the screeching going on in the background.

Safety checks

The two Korean girls on the back seat are petrified. They’ve been entrusted with the vital task of checking that the back end of the truck is at the right angle. “If it’s not, then things could turn a bit nasty,” Glenn the driver nonchalantly informs us.

The girls, naturally, haven’t a clue what the right angle is, but one suspects/ desperately hopes that Glenn has. After all, he’s a former speedway racer, has pretty much built this ludicrous contraption from scratch, and we’ve so far emerged unscathed through the sort of driving not usually seen outside of police helicopter surveillance footage.

Desert Storm – ‘world’s biggest 4WD coach’

Glenn’s pantomime-esque performance fits the vehicle perfectly though. The Desert Storm is billed as the world’s biggest 4WD coach, and it’s hard to argue with that. The tyres alone come up to chest height, whilst, inside, each seat has a suspension system taken straight from the playground. If it was a brightly coloured pink elephant to rock backwards and forwards on rather than a grimly painted plastic chair, things would make much more sense.

The screeching increases to a level that probably only dogs can hear. We’re going downhill. A bit too fast. It’s bumpy, we’re being buffeted from side to side, and Glenn is hollering like a mentally ill soldier as he goes over the top to certain death.

Sandboarding at Lancelin, Western Australia

It’s all perfectly safe, of course, but we can forget any chance of a breather. It’s straight up the next dune, and time to get out for a spot of sandboarding.

To those that like to build things up, this is like snowboarding without the need for warm clothing. To the more observant, it’s being parked on a bit of waxed-up wood, then being thrown down a hill, hanging on for dear life.

As Glenn gives the bottom of the board a vigorous scrubbing with a giant candle, he explains that we’re going down the safe way first. This means sat down with knees up, and fingers trailing behind in the sand. Teetering on the edge, Glenn gives the back of the board a good old shove, and I’m suddenly careering down, veering wildly to the left.

It’s fast too – at least a hundred billion clicks an hour by my reckoning – and mercifully a face full of sand at the bottom is not the end result.

Walking up sand dunes

The walk back up the dune, though, is far more torturous than any faceplant. To anyone who has ever tried running on soft sand as part of a short-lived fitness binge, imagine trying that, but uphill with a 40 degree gradient. It’s death by lactic acid, and only the truly fit or insane will attempt it more than twice.

Upon my panting, wheezing, borderline asthmatic return, machismo is in full swing atop the dune. It’s a time honoured ritual that is observed across the world. You get a group of men together, and put them with a group of women, then mix in something mildly dangerous. The men, in some kind of primeval attempt to impress the women, will increasingly push the boundary of the dangerous thing until one of them gets badly hurt. So, while the next step up is officially to go down head first, three wannabe surf gods are already insisting that they are man enough to do it standing up.

Machismo goes wrong

What follows would fit perfectly on Australia’s Funniest Home Videos, if only someone was prescient enough to record it. Seconds into his inglorious decent, Marco from Switzerland is buried neck deep. The other two fare little better, and spend the rest of the trip shaking sand out of every sleeve, pocket and orifice. The ladies, needless to say, aren’t overly impressed.

Details

Lancelin is about an hour and a half’s drive from Perth, WA. It can easily be done as a day trip, but should you wish to try the other highlights of the area – including world class windsurfing – accommodation can be found locally. The Desert Storm 4WD and sandboarding tour can be booked on 08 9655 2550.

This article was originally written for the Sydney Sun-Herald.